Season Eight, Episode Six - The Iron Throne

Right. I don’t know where to start.

In all honesty, I had a genuinely lovely time watching Game of Thrones at 2am this morning. I was cracking up all the way through and I think it’s possibly one of the funniest episodes of TV I’ve ever seen.

All of the little loose ends have been tied up and there were some giggles along the way. What more could you ask for? A coherent storyline and character development?

If you'd like to catch up on my reviews of Season Eight thus far, they are here: S8E1, S8E2, S8E3, S8E4 and S8E5 and I also tweet fairly regularly on the subject of Game of Thrones . You can enjoy the saltiness here: @noneedtomoan.

Sigh. Okay. Let’s give it a go.

We open on a good five minute shot of Tyrion surveying the smoking rubble that is King's Landing after the battle last week. (Get used to seeing things through Tyrion's eyes - it's kind of a running theme.) Tyrion goes ahead to the Red Keep, ignoring the advice of Jon and Davos to take men with him.

Greyworm is killing Lannister soldiers on the street under Dany's orders ("The queen's demands are to kill all who follow Cersei") and Jon and Davos appeal to him to stop. Greyworm is having none of it so they decide to speak to the queen directly instead. As they walk away, the Lannister men are executed and Jon winces, like he's never experienced killing someone out of revenge and nothing more.

*cough* hypocrite *cough cough*

Meanwhile, Tyrion has made it to the Red Keep and is making his way through the rubble. He discovers a tiny gap at the top and crawls his way through (off camera, Dinklage has too much dignity for any of that), on the hunt for his siblings. He sees lots of piles of rubble but his eyes settle on ONE pile in particular. He sees, honestly, Jaime's golden hand sticking out and I about DIED laughing hahhahaa.

He uncovers Jaime and Cersei, who definitely were not squashed by a tonne of rubble because look at them! There's literally a tiny bit of blood on their faces but otherwise they're completely intact! How's that possible? The entire roof caved in?! Well, tbf it didn't did it? Only parts of the ceiling fell. If only Jaime and Cersei had moved a few feet to their right.

Anyway, Dinklage smashes his scene and I imagine the only way he could build himself up to it is by thinking about how good the show could have been and now what it's been reduced to.

Then, back outside, Arya is still in the city and is now horseless. WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE HORSE MAN? The Dothraki flaunt their obvious horsey-ness in front of her as we pan out to see someone handily packed a Targaryen flag to drape over some rubble. No one told the Unsullied and Dothraki that they all died (lol I know not really but a lot of them did) in Epiosde Three so they're all waiting for Dany to speak together.

Dany has this horrendous black pleather jacket that looks uncomfortable and I'm not really sure when she had it made but she's very excited by the view of her thousands of loyal soldiers laid out in front of her*. She gives a rallying speech and all the Unsullied and Dothraki celebrate, which is strange because the Dothraki definitely don't speak High Valyrian and I'm unconvinced the Unsullied know Dothraki... but whatever. She names Greyworm the commander of all her forces. Tyrion enters and stands by Jon as she says they will not stop until they've "liberated people all over the world" and lists a bunch of places, including Dorne (lol now they remember it exists, with an hour left of show to air). She chats on about breaking the wheel because we all love a Random Repeated Line from a Previous Season.

Treason by a Lannister is cool

Jon looks very concerned (I think? I find Kit incredibly one note, moreso than Emilia this year) about all this stuff and Tyrion has had enough, walking forward very, very slowly to Dany. The way this tension is built you honestly think he is going to do something. But, yeah, no. They argue. She accuses him of treason. He accuses her of slaughtering a city. I mean, they're both right. 

He throws his hand's pin to the ground. And, as tradition goes, he is held prisoner for treason as it's only non-Lannisters accused of treason that are burned alive instantly. Jaime and Tyrion are allowed to be held prisoner for a while first for plot reasons.

Anyway, Jon and Dany exchange a tense look and, when he turns back around, Arya is right behind him because she's so sneaky sneaky. Jon didn't even know Arya was in the city so yeah she literally just rode around on her white horse inside the city walls for a bit and didn't even go and find Jon. What was the actual point? She warns Jon that Dany knows who he is and will always be a threat and he tells her to go and wait outside the city gates because he'll come and get her.

Jon goes to visit Tyrion and he asks for wine the absolute LAD. Tyrion (because it's his show now, did you not know?) talks about betraying Varys and this being his comeuppance. He then refers to Jon being the only man who knows where he's going (because he died and was resurrected, remember? everyone knows about it and it's referred to openly now, no big deal). 

Then there's a speech that's been getting a lot of attention. Tyrion says the following:

“When she murdered the slavers of Astapor, I’m sure no one but the slavers complained. After all, they were evil men. When she crucified hundreds of Mereenese nobles, who could argue? They were evil men. The Dothraki Kahls she burned alive, they would have done worse to her. Everywhere she goes, evil men die and we cheer her for it. And she grows more powerful the more sure that she is good and right.”

First of all, I didn't like this speech at all. I felt like I've been screaming this all season. Dany's moral ambiguity has been clear as day since early seasons. She had no problem killing people who were in her way. The problem for me has always been the audience has been expected to cheer this behaviour on until now. You can't frame a woman burning people alive as strong and on a mission to get the throne, a mission we should support, and then suddenly change your mind a few seasons later. I think this is why people have been upset with Dany this season. There's a lot of people saying her behaviour came out of nowhere and, tbf, it didn't BUT it has never been shown to be a bad thing until now. Frustrating.

Secondly, this speech has been compared online to the "First They Came For" speech by Martin Niemoller, written about the Nazis (read it again with that in mind and you'll get the comparison, trust me). People feel that the writers are needlessly referencing the Holocaust here, as @PoorQuentyn said on Twitter this morning, leveraging the pain of millions of families to "make your tits and dragons show deeper". Regardless of if you feel this strongly or not, you have to agree it is a lazy, problematic and unnecessary comparison to draw, especially when it is such a raw topic for so many people. D&D are Jewish themselves and I can't help but feel this was incredibly ill thought-through.

*Also there was more than a bit of clunky Nazi imagery in there too:

Awkward.

Back to the episode and Jon is overcome with emotion after talking to Tyrion about loving Dany, by which I mean he sits down and wipes his nose. This scene seems to drag on forever, with loads of lines between the two men but without very much being said at all. Painful. Tyrion is basically asking Jon to 'do the right thing' (aka murder Dany) and keeps reminds Jon he is "the shield of men".

Except Tyrion, babe, he's not. Jon Snow the Lord Commander of the Night's Watch died, remember? You've literally just spoken about it. When he was resurrected, he left his post on the Wall (not straight away, he murdered a child first because REVENGE lolz) and then, saying "my watch has ended", gave Edd the position of Lord Commander. 

You may not remember but I certainly do because I remember being furious that D&D conveniently 'forgot' you can't pick a Lord Commander, he must be voted. Remember? Because the whole Jon-being-voted-in bonanza was the whole reason there were traitors in the first place? And that's why Olly stabbed him? And that's how he DIED?

So, in summary, Tyrion knows Jon died and is now a resurrected Jon that didn't swear an oath at all, he's a new bloke. BUT, concurrently, he also thinks he's still a member of the Night's Watch. Tyrion is an idiot.

Anyway, still in this bloody scene, Tyrion is trying to talk Jon round and he's not buying it until he's about to leave and Tyrion asks him about his sisters. Will they bend the knee? Jon leaves with a lot to think about.

Then, in the snow (wut?), Jon walks up to the Red Keep and Drogon appears from under the snow (srsly, wut?) He looks at Jon, Jon looks back and Drogon lies back down (remember when the dragons were obsessed with being warm? You know, because they're dragons?). Great use of time, guys. Top notch choices.

Cut to Dany in the throne room (yes the throne has survived and most of the room too, don't worry about it). This is quite a sweet scene imo. I like her reaching out to the throne and it's just fine.

Found on Facebook - tell me if
you know who to credit!

It becomes a bit shit when Jon enters (lol said that before). He argues with her and tells her to forgive everyone but she says she can't. She invites him to join her on her mission to break the wheel (repetition = good writing) and he says she is his queen, now and forever. 

They kiss and, during the swelling music, he stabs her. I mean, was anyone surprised by this? 

He cries over her fallen body as Drogon screeches outside and then flies into the throne room and cries over Dany's body (not going to lie, I'm a softie for animals so even I felt sad when he nudged her body, trying to wake her up!) 

Luckily, no one comes in to check on all the noises and Drogon breathes fire directly at....

The throne.

Yeah, Drogon is smart enough to know that it is symbolically the throne's fault (not Jon's) so he melts it. He then picks Dany up with his claws and flies off into the distance with her, destroying any evidence of Jon's crime.

We're left to wonder what happens next but it's safe to assume that, for murdering their queen, he'll be killed on the spot by the thousands of loyal Dothraki and Unsullied soldiers.

We come back to Tyrion's face as he wakes up. He is taken by Greyworm to the Dragonpit.

A council has been gathered from across Westeros so it's safe to say that it's been a fair few weeks.

(L-R) Samwell Tarly, Some Random Lord, Edmure Tully, Arya Stark, Bran Stark, Sansa Stark, Brienne of Tarth, Davos Seaworth, Gendry Baratheon, Other Random Blokes x 2, Yara Greyjoy, The New Prince of Dorne, Robin Arryn (LOL WHAT), Bronze Yohn Royce and Some Other Random Lord are gathered.

Okie dokie. Few questions from me, obviously. 

1) Who are the Random Lords? Why aren't we being told who they are or which areas they represent? You could've cut about half of Tyrion's conversation with Jon if you were worried about time, just to give us some info here. OR you could've just not had strangers there. No one would've missed them.

2) Where's Edmure Tully been? Just because the last time we saw him, he was thrown in the Frey cells. Did Arya know this when she wore Walder's face and killed all the male Freys? Did she tell one of the women to also let all the prisoners go? Because I think it's highly more likely that he was forgotten about and left to starve in his cell. Also, why do we hate Edmure? The 'sit down' line from Sansa seems unnecessary and could have been delivered to the new Dornish prince who got too cocky or something. Seems harsh on Edmure if we're honest.

3) Who is the new Prince of Dorne? The royal bloodline on the show has been massacred. Who is this guy? Was he 'elected' too? Why is he not vying for the throne? He's the only guy there with all his forces so he's in a position of power here.

4) Robin. Mutherfuckin. Arryn. BUDDY! I've been asking about you for nearly two seasons! How the devil are you?! I mean obviously you're fine lol. You've not been involved in any of the wars, nor helped out in any way shape or form, but HERE YOU ARE. I mean, who stayed with you at the Vale? Your armies and Royce went to assist the North but what did you get up to? How's your falcon? Also, WTF happened to you? Lack of mother's milk clearly agrees with you and you look sexy with your hair pushed back. Good job, Robin. You the real MVP this episode.

5) Royce. Royce, where were you mate? I swear I remember you talking to Sansa about food and armour and all sorts in preparation for the battle. Then, you were nowhere near the war of the undead, even though I'm 90% sure you were still in Winterfell. Why would anyone care about your opinion now? You didn't help them when they needed it.

Whatever.

Sansa is annoyed that Jon, who has not been executed for treason but has instead been held prisoner, has not been brought forward with Tyrion (which is an incredibly good point yet again). I don't really understand why Tyrion is here. This isn't his trial- he's not being held accountable for anything he did. The only reason Tyrion is brought to the Dragonpit is so he can deliver yet another 'inspirational' monologue at a load of people. Anyway, Greyworm asserts it's the Unsullied's city now and they get to make the choices and Yara takes his side because she loved Dany. She wants Jon Snow dead but Arya soon threatens her and puts her in her place #womenontop #feminism

Davos offers the Unsullied the land in the Reach promised to Bronn and the chance to make a house (they're EUNUCHS, Davos) but he obviously turns it down. He shouts at Tyrion for chiming in, "Everyone has heard enough words from you". Never have I felt so hard for a quote on this show, honestly. Someone make Tyrion shut up.

Greyworm asks the council to select a new monarch. They all stare at each other. Edmure is shot down. Sam suggests they let everyone decide and everyone is like LOLZ YOU'RE SO FUNNY WHAT'S NEXT? HORSES VOTING? WOMEN LEADING? HAHAHAHAHA GOOD ONE SAM

Anyway, remember when Greyworm said he wasn't going to let Tyrion talk? Well he lets Davos ask him his opinion and just leaves him to answer. Tyrion does another huge speech about how stories unite us and Bran "The Broken" (ok Tyrion) has the best story of them all (beg to differ but hey ho). Sansa's all 'but his dick doesn't work' and Tyrion says that's better because sons of kings can be right horrible. He suggests, instead of heirs being given the throne, they will reconvene and elect a new ruler when they need to. He tries to sell this to Greyworm as it being the 'breaking the wheel' that Dany always wanted.

Legit me after this scene. This is hilarious.

He speaks to Bran. Tyrion knows he doesn't want this but he knows it's the right decision. Bran replies "Why do you think I came all this way?" and smiles smugly.

One by one, all the Lords vote 'aye' (did love Davos' "I'm not sure I get a vote but aye" :')) until Sansa, who is very unsure. She wants the North to have independence because of all the lives lost in the war. Bran agrees but no one really acknowledges that this makes her Queen of the North. It's a bit weird.

Bran tells Tyrion he is to be his hand. Tyrion tries to turn it down but he won't let him - it is his way of atoning for his sins.

This show costs too much to leave coffee and water lying around

I don't understand any of this. Bran is still a King, right? So what has changed, aside from the rich and privileged people picking who will lead them all? What was the point of burning the throne if there will still forever be a monarch ruling over Westeros? 

Also, the North will run as a kingdom on its own, with Sana in charge? So normal succession rules will apply here? So Sansa will need to find a husband and make heirs?

Seems a strange way to break the wheel. Not that much seems to have changed.

Okay. Nearly there.

Jon is looking all unkempt in prison (which, if Dany's fluffy heir pre-massacre last week is anything to go by, may mean that he's gone crazy, watch out!) and Tyrion tells him that the only way to save his life was to send him back to the Night's Watch.

I've already discussed this but, honestly, what's the point of the Night's Watch now? 

D&D like

There are no White Walkers so we don't need to protect the world from those. The Wall is destroyed at Eastwatch so there's no point in pretending it's keeping anything in or out. The Wildlings are no longer a threat... It seems like the Night's Watch is now just a prison. In Northern territory. Which, if nothing else, seems like incredibly poor international policy. I don't see Sansa putting up with that for long.

There's a very meta moment when Jon asks "Was it right? What I did?" and Tyrion adds "What we did?" Cut straight from D&D in the writers' room.

Anyway, he sets off to head back to the Wall in his nice new coat. The city is doing just fine - there seems to be no building damage anymore (how long has it taken Jon to go to the Wall?) and the Dothraki and KL locals all living in harmony together (lol ok). Greyworm takes the Unsullied to Naarth (after giving Jon a very dirty look).

The Starks wait on the dock to say goodbye to Jon. Jon avoids calling Sansa Queen in the North, which is weird. He asks Arya if she'll visit him but Arya's forgotten she's a Stark again and is going to explore what's west of Westeros and what happens where the maps end. They cry together. Jon kneels in front of Bran and apologises for not being there when he was needed but Bran responds "You were exactly where you needed to be".

Basically, this confirms that Bran knew what was going to happen the entire time. And he just let it all happen. 

Why bother telling Jon who he really was? How would it have changed anything? 

Why is no one confronting him about the fact he just let all the innocent smallfolk die? Jon is imprisoned for killing Dany. Tyrion is imprisoned for committing treason. Bran just goes free, despite knowing exactly what was going to happen and not helping at all?

He could've stopped this and he did nothing. He's kind of a dick.

Meanwhile, Brienne finishes Jaime's record in the Kingsguard book, which somehow survived the fire... Luckily Jaime has two pages when everyone else has one. This scene was fine and I get how Braime fans would've loved Brienne's emotions in it but I just thought it was slightly unnecessary. Hey ho.

Then, we get three minutes of Tyrion rearranging the furniture for the Small Council. Quality. Content. Emmy-worthy.

Bronn is the Lord of Highgarden and Master of Coin (looooool NO), Davos is Master of Ships (I do love this but I wish he'd have mentioned his family at all in the last two seasons), Brienne seems to be the Commander of the Kingsguard and Sam is referred to as a Maester (HOW WHEN HE SHAGGED GILLY INSTEAD OF DOING HIS CITADEL TRAINING). Sam presents Tyrion with Ebrose's finished book (that he wrote the title of #shitgroupproject) called A Song of Ice and Fire.

For you, D&D

Bran arrives at the meeting and asks Tyrion to start looking for Masters of Whispers, War and Law. He then asks where Drogon is, which is what we're all thinking, and Sam says he was seen "heading East towards-" but then Bantersaurus Bronn interrupts because he's annoying af. Bran says he'll find Drogon. They all look at each other and he excuses himself, pushed out by Ser Pod, who looks smug AS in his Kingsguard get up.

They say bye to Bran the Broken, Ruler of the Six Kingdoms and then just turn the banter levels right up about grammar and brothels etc etc. LOL GOOD ONE GUYS HOW HILARIOUS WHAT AN UPLIFTING MOMENT AFTER THE MASSACRE LAST WEEK

Then there's a solid Stark montage:

Arya flies under a Stark banner (so she is still a Stark) and sails into the distance.

Sansa is crowned Queen of the North and is surrounded by complete strangers (where are the Vale lords? Where's Royce and Robin? Why is she completely alone? How is this happy?)

Jon arrives at Castle Black and is reunited with Tormund and Ghost (who finally gets pets). He then heads beyond the Wall with Tormund, Ghost and all the wildlings and it's implied he's abandoning his post. AGAIN. 

So, does Jon just live forever now? Can he not die? Does that make him more powerful than Bran? Should we be talking about this? Shouldn't people be like worshipping him? Where are all the other Lord of Light followers? Are they not interested in learning more about how he was brought back to life?!

And that's it. It's over.

I have SO much more to say but this is already so long so I think I'm going to leave it here and write a different blog post about what I personally think this means for the books.

As funny as I found this episode, it was painfully so. It was embarrassing to watch what is meant to be great TV fall to 'meh, it's fine' (not in my opinion but definitely in others') or 'people have ended up where I wanted them'. No that's unacceptable.

I just can't get my head around people who are pretending that just Season Eight, or just the finale, is the problem. Mate. Do a full S1-8 rewatch and tell me S5+ isn't a pile of shit. I dare you.

Highlights

• The CGI animals - Drogon nudging Dany and Ghost getting a stroke
• Dany seeing the throne
• How ridiculous the episode was, which made me laugh SO much

Lowlights

• The fact that this episode  was just The Tyrion Show
• The lack of actually breaking the wheel despite it being spoken about all episode
• Bronn
• The nonsense that was that Dragonpit Council
• The fact that all the plot-armoured characters (esp Tyrion and Jon Snow) are still alive

Summative Comment:

10/10 funniest GOT episode of all time, loved it

Thanks so much for being here with me for the last few seasons. I've found it really tough to watch my favourite story being torn apart and lauded as the best thing on TV and this blog has been super cathartic and has helped me get through it all. Hope you've enjoyed it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

I cannot wait to have a full night's sleep next Sunday night. No more 2am get ups!