Season Six, Episode Two

Yo

Apologies for my lateness here.  I wasn't feeling very well last week but I did make notes so I thought I'd do a brief summary of my thoughts in hindsight before posting my full response to episode three.

(Also, apologies for not live tweeting at 2am due to my illness -- I'll be back next week)

The introduction shows us all the usual places but, rather excitingly, Pyke is added into the mix and, unsurprisingly, Dorne has disappeared.
NB: If they are, as I thought, trying to just write Dorne out of the show, the coup against the reigning monarchy there was not the right way to go about this, surely?  Don't the grisly murders of the Prince of Dorne and his heir mean that there will be more questions asked and serious political ramifications that need rectifying?  Apparently not.  All the men are dead and the ke-razy Dornish women are irrational and probs just wandering around nude so all's well there presumably.  Let's just forget about it all.

Anyway, the main points of this episode and my thoughts:

North of the Wall
The prodigal son hath returned!
There's been some serious recasting (Leaf is weeeeeiirdddd and old rather than a CHILD of the forest) and he is all into his flashbacks.  They under-utilised Lyanna which is not surprising at all and apparently focused the whole flashback on the fact that Hodor used to be able to talk.
(Aside - GRRM was asked which characters he would like to appear in the show and he responded that, amongst others, the Tyrell brother Willas is important and it's a shame he's not in the show.  Obv the show is not going to suddenly introduce Willas Tyrell.  So why am I telling you this?  FUN FACT: In the books, Hodor's real name is Walder.  The show has decided to change this to Willas.  Why?  The only logical conclusion I can draw is it's been done by the showrunners as a dig towards George to remind him that this is not his show.  What bell ends.)
Also, Leaf tells Meera hey guess what Bran can leave the cave one day because OF COURSE HE CAN.

The Wall
Wun Wun smash.  Wildlings return to save Jon's lifeless body because REASONS.  The baddies are taken away.  When we return later, Davos is all 'Hey Melisandre, you know how I hate you for being responsible for my son's death and I also abhor dark magic and everything you stand for?  You know how you left with Stannis, Selyse and Shireen and returned alone, seemingly with no explanation of where the King, my hero, was?  You know how I only mildly like Jon at best?  You know how I've never seen or heard of ressurection?  HEY MA QWEEN UR THE BEST FIX ALL THIS AND BRING HIM BK PLZ'
There's like 5 minutes of her washing Jon's body and creepily cutting his hair and talking utter nonsense.  Nothing happens, obv, so they all slowly leave except the camera.
Ghost wakes up and Jon breathes once more.
Ghost better be responsible for Jon's ressurection and not Melisandre...

Sigh.

King's Landing
A man who definitely did not flash Cersei brags about flashing her and gets his head done in by Robert Strong.  Weird that he was there and cares about rumours like this.  Whatevs.
Tommen prevents Cersei from going to Myrcella's funeral and she's sad about it.  He thinks she is responsible for Trystane's death because Sand Snakes are invisible awesome stealth ninjas and rants to Jaime about how he should've stopped Margaery's arrest and Cersei's walk of shame.  Jaime brags about all the bad things he's done and deffo is not arrested for any of these said things.  Anyway, Tommen and Cersei hug and everything will probs be fine.

The World of Tyrion
Tyrion is awesome and patronises anyone of colour/a lower social standing than him.
He then goes to free the dragons because logic.  The dragons, whose collars seem to have grown with them, have, in fact, been eating (Missandei lies) and have grown loads but Tyrion gets their collars off and they're all like safe nice one and just go back to the back of the cave and nothing changes because why would it?  #plot

Braavos
Arya's blind.  The girl's beating her up again.  SUDDEN JAQEN IS SUDDEN.
He 'tests' her by asking her her name three times.  She 'passes' and he takes her away.

Christ.

Winterfell
A random Karstark has come to Winterfell for NO REASON and has passed bodies on the way there.  Why Northern Lords are suddenly important is not explained.  Why Karstark was going to Winterfell is not explained.
Why would it be?
Apparently it's been nine months since Roose announced Walda's pregnancy because the baby's born and Ramsay celebrates by stabbing the fuck (a technical term) out of Roose.  I can't cope with this.  Roose was so GOOD.

Oh yeah, Ramsay tortures and kills Walda and the baby with his rabid dogs, too.
Cool.

Somewhere near Winterfell
Brienne and Sansa are having a good ole gossip (women, am I right?) and Brienne is super weird about how she tried to find Arya and about who she was with -- the Hound.  Brienne calls him 'a man' when she knows exactly who he was.  It's weird, they seem to be distancing Sansa and the Hound so that Arya can have him.  I can only imagine this is a purposeful thing to piss of SanSan fans.  I'm not a shipper of this relationship in particular but I can see it's relevance in terms of GRRM's writing and themes and the symbolism and clues left behind.  It seems an odd choice to make but what else is new?
Also, Theon makes the god awful decision to take one of the horses and go 'home'.  WHYYYYYY

Pyke
SPEAKING OF HOME (oh, #smoothsegues, how I have missed you), Balon is being informed that the Glovers have taken Deepwood Motte and all the Iron born who were holding it have died.  He tells 'Yara' that all the other four kings in the war of the five kings are dead, which I've been saying for MONTHS, and then decides to go for a late night precarious rope swing bridge walk.  We've all been there.
Euron is on the other side of the bridge, proclaiming he is the drowned god (all without an eye patch).  He also confirms he lost his mind at sea and that he IS the storm.  Balon goes for him with a knife, catches his eye with the blade, and Euron tips him over the side in self defence.  He's such a good guy.  Just like Tyrion.
At Balon's funeral, a very very young Aeron tells 'Yara' can't be queen because of the kingsmoot.  And, you know, how it's the LAW.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT AERON




This was a bad episode.
Standby for Episode Three.