#characterprogression #callbacks |
Anyway, she goes to Molestown to meet Littlefinger, who is officially back in control of his teleporter, thank God. How can the writers be expected to force storylines without the ability to send Littlefinger anywhere, anytime?
Anyway, this scene is basically Sansa saying what we were all screaming on a weekly basis last season: in what universe was it a good idea to make her marry Ramsay? We don't get an answer though, just some awkward af dialogue. Before he leaves, he manages to heavy-handedly crowbar in a few plot points - like the Vale knights being at Moat Caitlin for some reason (their jet packs must be more powerful than Littlefinger's) and the fact that Blackfish has only just taken Riverrun.
Enough actual plot! We need to see Arya being whacked with the sticks again. She's beaten by the waif AGAIN until holy shit Arya's an acrobat/wrestler/breakdancer now and so she's rewarded fo this move by being allowed back into the face room and being given an actual mission.
Whilst watching the play, I couldn't help but feel like the writing was about as accurate about the events in King's Landing as D&D's version of ASOIAF. And then, because we weren't heart broken enough, they drop in a fucking Winds of Winter reference.
They follow this up with a full frontal shot of penis. Penis and boobs.
Sigh.
Arya is obviously staring directly at her intended target and not being spotted... She goes to see Jaqen (WHO IS STILL WEARING THE SAME FACE FOR NO REASON), makes it clear that this target doesn't seem to deserve death and he just tells her she's on her last chance.
NB: This entire scene was a chronic waste of Richard E. Grant.
Then, Bran is in another vision and gets to see the Children of the Forest (who are all women...? #feminism) creating the Others by killing a man with dragonglass. I assume that's the Night's King... Interesting. No strong feelings about this bit yet. Soon.
Oh, dear. Pyke. The Kingsmoot. NO.
Okay. Let's have a crack at it.
So, to clarify, according to the show, we're having this Kingsmoot because 'it's the law'. Nothing to do with different people vying for the throne. No mention of heirs or lack of them. It's just, you know, the thing they do. Just wanted to clarify that.
Yara is apparently the only person to put herself forward for the throne because there must be no other families in the Iron Islands (is this feeling a little too much like a repeat of Dorne to anyone else?) Someone starts shouting for Theon (it's not important who - who cares about Iron born families? There aren't even any! SHUT UP) as he's Balon's heir and this... This I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.
The Kingsmoot is 'the law' - this means that heirs are null and void. How can Theon now be considered an heir when he wasn't before? Someone's said something about it being because he doesn't have a penis? But now the Iron born still see him as an heir?
You can't have it both ways: Theon either is or isn't an heir and the Kingsmoot either is or isn't the standard law.
Anyway, Theon, after inhaling a bunch of helium, does a little speech about how he can't sit on the
Everyone's surprised (apparently Euron is sick at Pyke Hide and Seek), well, everyone except Yara, who inexplicably guesses that Balon was murdered and that rope bridge wasn't just dangerous as all holy fuck.
It wouldn't be my first choice for an evening stroll. |
His body is then dragged ashore and just watched. I mean, it's not like resuscitation has any part in this ritual. Gods, no. It actually turns out that Euron was right and he IS the Drowned God because he totally survives this drowning without any help from anyone and therefore must be immortal. Good to know.
He gets a rubbish driftwood crown and then is all like OH SHIT WHERE ARE MY NIECE AND NEPHEW because immortal god or not, you don't restrain your rebellious relatives when you're about to drowned in order to get the crown. He notices they've taken all the boats (it's not really explained WHO is helping them because there certainly were not enough people, even if everyone from the Kingsmoot helped, and they didn't because they voted for Euron) Then he's just like, meh, let's build new boats and then we can totes murder them.
Obviously D&D are in no rush to get back to the Iron Islands now the only characters they care about are gone and we'll presumably see Euron in a few seasons when his character is reintroduced just to be killed off. It's the Iron Born way. #whatisdeadmayneverdie #carefulnow #thisishowDornebegan
Then it's off to Vaes Dothrak.
Is it just me that would love to see the aftermath of last week?
- How long is appropriate to stand naked in front of a bowing crowd?
- At what point do you ask someone to lend you a coat?
- Was there some sort of rousing speech? What was said? What language was it said in? How did they all react?
- Did Dany address the fact that she used dark magic? How did she the witch-hating Dothraki that that was okay?
- Did she apologise for killing all the kahls?
- Was there even a hint of rebellion or was everyone just on her side?
Did she give specific details about her demands?
"I'm your queen now. I will require a brand new outfit and a white horse because I only ride white horses and I better be the only one with a white horse but hey just be patient I have dragons I swear you'll see them honest also I won't use magic again the two times I've used it I've proved I'm immortal so won't be doing it again"
You may be able to tell that I genuinely cba with Dany scenes now so, instead of trying to deal with them, I'm just going to ask her some questions about Jorah:
- How exactly did he save your life this time? Did he make you and your hair fireproof?
- Why do you suddenly love him again? Why is this the first proper display of emotion you've shown in a looooooooong time and it's aimed at JORAH?
- Why can't you touch him, when he definitely touched you in Season Five Episode Nine? You then went on to hold hands with Missandei and neither of you have greyscale, so his version isn't even contagious, is it?
Don't worry about sending him away. His version's fine.
#continuity
Ugh.
To Mereen! Tyrion takes centre stage, of course, and it's all rather dull. The Red Priestess proper loves dragons and is announcing that Dany is now the one who was promised or some nonsense while we all wonder what her necklace means and when she's going to get her boobs out. I didn't like how her knowing Varys' story rattles him; he knows better than anyone that anything can be overheard and you can get information from anyone if you want it... YOU WERE THE MASTER OF WHISPERS VARYS, GET A GRIP.
Four horsemen still. Goin' strong. #continuity |
The 'Night King' decides to grab him. Now his mark is on Bran's skin, he can find them and Bloodraven is MAD because he can get in their cave now and basically oooooh shit they're in trouble now so they all just better go.
Speaking of shit, The Wall gang are having a lovely chat about strategy and how they haven't a hope in hell of taking back the
Sansa is dead wise and it legit looks like there may be a strong woman in Game of Thrones at last.
True, it's come out of nowhere.
It's not in keeping with the rest of her story arc...
It seems like she's getting rewarded for being raped?
She's just jumped back to Darth Sansa from Season Four, when she was all plotting and secretive and flirty with Littlefinger.
Actually, come to think of it, there's been no actual development of character to show how she has become this strong, independent woman, who just goes round being rescued and having to ask permission to take a knight into her service and having to be reminded of the words of the knight's vow because women are just stupid really and need men (or big Brienne) to guide/protect them.
She is saying some words and they do mean some things but, in reality, it's all wrong.
Sansa, why would the Northern Lords help you now? They wouldn't help you when you were being raped by a man whose dad helped kill the Stark King in the North. Why now does the Stark name mean something to Northerners? It hasn't for a while.
Even if it did, Jon's a Snow and you're a
She then lies to Jon about how she knows about her uncle having just taken Riverrun. (NB: Apparently, in the Inside the Episode it was implied that Sansa lied about getting the info from LF because a part of her is not ready to let go of him yet. Gross.) She thinks it's a good idea to work with him, despite him having only just taken Riverrun and probably not being in a position of strength right now.
The only army that could work well with them right now is from the Vale and Sansa decides not to mention them. REASONS.
Also, she decides to tell Brienne to go to the Riverlands because she's about to go into a huge battle so why would she need a bodyguard? #sistersaredoingitforthemselves
Oh and she's super amazing at embroidery now for no reason.
Sansa has been turned into an idiot. And they're trying to pass it off as feminism.
(The only way I could work through the pain was to show my emotions through my <3, John Oliver. It helped a bit.
Not enough.)
Anyway, Sansa &Co decide to leave The Wall and go get warm, presumably. Jon tells Edd to look after the wall and not let it fall down or some nonsense and we all die from exposure to #obviousforeshadowing.
Oh, and also Edd is Lord Commander now because who needs an election? Maybe it's the law to have a Kingsmoot when the previous Lord Commander has been resurrected. If only Sam was around to read the books to us and let us know.
And then, the moment we all knew was coming (if we'd read the leaked spoilers and got lost into many a subreddit before watching the episode ourselves... Just me?)
In The Cave, Meera and Hodor are slowly packing to go home and happily talking about eggs. Bran and Bloodraven have decided to go have another vision together, for old times' sake.
BUT WHY IS NO ONE PANICKING?
The Nights' King not only knows exactly where you are but can totally get in and kill you all. Shouldn't you be legging it? WHY ARE YOU HAVING A VISION RN? IS IT REALLY NECESSARY?
Also, Bran's vision is legit so dull - there is no point to the story other than the fact that Young Hodor ('Wyllis') is there. Bloodraven and Bran literally stand there in silence and watch the boring scene whilst all hell is about to break loose in the cave...
(NB: According to my Twitter sources, D&D addressed this on the Inside the Episode, which I refuse to watch for fear of damaging my TV in a rage, by saying that BR and Bran went for a lil vision because BR wanted to 'upload all his info' into Bran. They just decided not to tell us this for REASONS. I hate them so much.)
(Also: I've read some theories that say that Bloodraven wanted all of this to happen for REASONS and, honestly, I think I hate this idea even more)
Meera's spidey senses tingle and tell her to run outside. Once she does, she sees all the Others coming for them. She desperately tries to get Bran to wake up, which he won't do, and massively scares Hodor. As Leaf and Meera start to fight the first wave (read: 'shittest fighters') of Others, she tells Bran to warg into Hodor because they need him. Bran hears this and wargs into Hodor, whilst remaining in the vision itself. Bloodraven says something about it being time.
Hodor (being controlled by Bran) smashes up some Others and they manage to get Bran on the sled and begin to run away. The Others, inevitably catch up and, after some Leaf grenade action (oh, Bloodraven's dead btw, did I mention that?), they get to the door BECAUSE OF COURSE THERE IS A DOOR ON THE CAVE THE CHILDREN OF THE FOREST ARE OBV CARPENTERS WHO HATE DRAUGHTS.
They manage to get out and Meera drags Bran away. She leaves Hodor (still, presumably, being controlled by Bran) to 'Hold the Door' and repeatedly shouts this as he is basically ripped apart by the Others. This affects Hodor in the past (and Bran, whilst controlling Hodor, can see this), who subsequently has a fit.
He shouts 'Hold the Door' over and over until it becomes 'Hodor' and it's all he can say and he dies and we all die with him. #feels
Now. This was all very action-y and cinematic and exciting but people seemed to have interpreted this as Hodor sacrificing his life, and sanity his entire past life, for Bran but he didn't really have a choice, did he?
Bran was making Hodor's body do this.
Credit: @TommenGoogling |
Don't get me wrong, I have no beef with the 'Hold the Door' theory itself - it's one I've read before - but, admittedly, I didn't see it playing out like this. I always assumed that the pain of having Bran's power was that you had to live with seeing events from the past, without being able to affect any of them. I'm open to this new theory but, as someone who personally does not enjoy time travel stories and plot lines, I'm not sold on it as of right now.
I also think it was incredibly unnecessary to wait an entire season of not having Bran &Co only to kill Summer and Hodor on their return. Can't help but feel this could've been done sooner for the same effect.
I know, I know, "but the filming" "the visuals", "the score", "the acting" of this scene and everything... I get it. I watched it with some Unsullied and they bloody loved it (hence why I normally watch alone) and, for the first time in a long time, I can get why you may feel that way on first watch. It's exciting. It's... I can see why you think that it is done well. And it's not even that I'm annoyed they're killing off characters anymore -- you come to expect it.
It's just utter bullshit.
High Points
The return of Littlefinger's teleporter
Children of the Forest creating the Others
Low Points
Same old same old -- The lack of continuity and LOGIC in general
1 point for the CotF creating the White Walkers scene
1 point for Jorah's non-contagious greyscale
1 point for mentioning Brynden Tully
1 point for the Children of The Forest's carpentry classes coming in handy
1 point for the visuals in the final
Minus 2 for the deaths of Hodor and Summer
Minus 2 for the Kingsmoot
I'm dreading next week.
I'll be livetweeting at 2am.
I'm trying to tweet a lot more, actually. Find me @noneedtomoan!
General mood on Twitter:
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